If only we had enough glue, I think we would see far fewer toys trying to get by without limbs… *insert iconic evil laugh*Īnyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor eventually fell victim to one of my mom’s cleaning sprees, and she decided he was too busted up to keep and tossed him out. I really need to increase budgeting to the medical treatment centers. I put a hundred dollars into his bag while he wasn’t looking. Jurassic Park Toy of Jeff Goldblum With Disturbingly Realistic Face: At least if someone puts a knife in the king’s back, we’ll know where to look!Įvil Chancellor Traytor’s Diary: Today I was feeding ducks at the park when I noticed another legless action figure sitting by the benches. I don’t know why but we got the biggest kick out of being like:īarbie With the Unfortunate Haircut: Oh that Evil Chancellor Traytor! Why can’t the king see how wicked he is?!Ĭharmander From the Vending Machine: Char! Usually after everyone else had finished talking shit about him. The job of the Evil Chancellor was to always remain vigilant, and loyally serve a good ruler - or, if the regent should became a despot, to slay them on behalf of the people.īut since killing the king would be a terrible crime, the Evil Chancellor had to be the kind of person who would willingly die to spare the people from the plight of a wicked leader because the murder would be pinned on them, in order to keep the ‘machinery of politics’ working as smoothly as ever.Īnyway, Evil Chancellor Traytor had a diary, in which my sister I would take turns writing out the most over-the-top good shit he’d done behind the scenes.
See, Action Figure Dystopia had a long history of corrupted monarchs getting too big for their thrones and exploiting the underclasses. The knife, as it turned out, was as symbolic as the ‘evil’ in his name.
He spent his nights working on writing up new legislature to ensure that broken toys had access to mobility devices, was always on the lookout to acquire new shoeboxes for expanding city infrastructure, and drafted a proposal that once got half the ‘settlement’ in my sister and I’s closet moved to the upper shelf so that vulnerable toys were less likely to be snatched up by the dog. Evil Chancellor Traytor was the most devoted civil servant in the entire Action Figure Dystopia.
The additional twist on the joke, though, was that he never was behind anything. The dude even carried around a poisoned knife called ‘the kingslayer’. Everyone was always sure that Evil Chancellor Traytor had something to do with the nefarious scheme of the day. Like ‘grand’ or ‘high’ or something along those lines.Īnyway, the running gag was that the king (an old Power Rangers knock-off doll) had absolute and unwavering faith in Evil Chancellor Traytor, who basically comported himself like a mix between Grima Wormtongue and Jafar from the Aladdin movies. The idea was that in the fictional society of our toys, ‘chancellor’ just came with the word ‘evil’ in front of it, as a matter of ancient tradition. When my sister and I were kids we had this one action figure, who was actually a brutalized batman doll without his cape (the dog chewed half his head, too), who we dubbed ‘Evil Chancellor Traytor’. I love in fantasy when its like “king galamir the mighty golden eagle and his most trusted advisor who would never betray him, gruelworm bloodeye the treacherous”
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